Redeem this text for a blowjob
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
