Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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