So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
