you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
