I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
