Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
