too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
