so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
