Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
