Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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