I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
