all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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