White coat. Heels.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
