youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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