Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
