For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
