i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
