what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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