That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
