I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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