If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
