I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
