not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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