I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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