During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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