You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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