We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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