just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
