I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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