I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
