u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
