The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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