Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
