your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My cat gives me a boner
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
