I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
