Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
