Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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