So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
