...so i touched it.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize