The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
