...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
