dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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