my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize