glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
