so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
