There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize