NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize