I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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