if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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