Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I need a beard to bite.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
