I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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