So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I fill condoms, not promises.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
