it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
