Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
