Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
