I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
