i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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