my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize