sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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