Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
