Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
