I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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