the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
