Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize