i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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