I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
