I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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