I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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