So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
