Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
