man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
