When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
