He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
