Too much gin, very little bucket
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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